let her. As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother
appears, and promises to provide Cinderella with everything she needs
to go to the ball, but only on two conditions. "First, you must wear a
diaphragm."
Cinderella agrees. "What's the second condition?" "You must be home by
2 a.m. any later, and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin."
Cinderella agrees. The appointed hour comes and goes, and Cinderella
doesn't show up. Finally, at 5 a.m., Cinderella shows up, looking
love struck and very satisfied.
"Where have you been?" demands the Fairy godmother. "Your diaphragm
was supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!!!"
"I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything."
"I know of no prince with that kind of power! Tell me his name!"
"I can't remember exactly...
Peter Peter, something or other...."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
splinters when they were having sex. Pinocchio, therefore, went to
visit Gepetto to see if he could help. Gepetto suggested he try a
little sandpaper wherever indicated and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened.
A couple of weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily
through town and asked him, "How's the girlfriend?"
Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and holding a sword to her
throat, said, "Red, I'm going to screw your brains out!"
To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic basket
and pulled out a .44 magnum and pointed it at him and said, "No you're
not!
You're going to eat me, just like it says in the book!"
said, "Mickey, You say here that your wife is crazy."
Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she's fucking Goofy."
Snow White saw Pinocchio walking through the woods so she ran up"
behind him, knocked him flat on his back, and then sat on his face crying,
"Lie to me! Lie to me!"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
and during her questions about his life she asked him how he managed for sex.
"What's that?" he asked.
She explained to him what sex was and he said, "Oh, I use a hole in
the trunk of a tree."
Horrified, she said, "Tarzan you have it all wrong but I will show you
how to do it properly."
She took off her clothes, lay down on the ground and spread her legs
wide "Here," she said, "You must put it in here."
Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her an
almighty kick in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony. Eventually she
managed to gasp, "What the hell did you do that for?"
"Just checking for bees" said Tarzan.
