BEFORE YOU READ THESE, I'M JUST WARNING YOU ALL THAT THEY ARE A BIT > DIRTY! I JUST THOUGHT THEY WERE REALLY FUNNY!!

  1. Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't
    let her. As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother
    appears, and promises to provide Cinderella with everything she needs
    to go to the ball, but only on two conditions. "First, you must wear a
    > diaphragm."
    > Cinderella agrees. "What's the second condition?" "You must be home by
    > 2 a.m. any later, and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin."
    > Cinderella agrees. The appointed hour comes and goes, and Cinderella
    > doesn't show up. Finally, at 5 a.m., Cinderella shows up, looking
    > love struck and very satisfied.
    > "Where have you been?" demands the Fairy godmother. "Your diaphragm
    > was supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!!!"
    > "I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything."
    > "I know of no prince with that kind of power! Tell me his name!"
    > "I can't remember exactly...
    > Peter Peter, something or other...."
    > ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ >
  2. Pinocchio had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about
    > splinters when they were having sex. Pinocchio, therefore, went to
    > visit Gepetto to see if he could help. Gepetto suggested he try a
    > little > sandpaper wherever indicated and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened.
    > A couple of weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily
    > through town and asked him, "How's the girlfriend?"
    > Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?
    3. > ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ >
  3. Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the woods when suddenly the
    > Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and holding a sword to her
    > throat, said, "Red, I'm going to screw your brains out!"
    > To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic basket
    > and pulled out a .44 magnum and pointed it at him and said, "No you're
    > not!
    > You're going to eat me, just like it says in the book!"
    4. > ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ >
  4. Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse were in divorce court and the judge
    > said, "Mickey, You say here that your wife is crazy."
    > Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she's fucking > Goofy."
    5. > ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ >
  5. Snow White saw Pinocchio walking through the woods so she ran up
    > behind him, knocked him flat on his back, and then sat on his face > crying,
    > "Lie to me! Lie to me!"
    6. > ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ >
  6. Did you know..? Captain Hook died from jock itch.
    7. > ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ >
  7. One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was very attracted to him
    > and during her questions about his life she asked him how he managed > for > sex.
    > "What's that?" he asked.
    > She explained to him what sex was and he said, "Oh, I use a hole in
    > the trunk of a tree."
    > Horrified, she said, "Tarzan you have it all wrong but I will show you
    > how to do it properly."
    > She took off her clothes, lay down on the ground and spread her legs
    > wide "Here," she said, "You must put it in here."br /> > Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her an
    > almighty kick in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony. Eventually > she
    > managed to gasp, "What the hell did you do that for?"
    > "Just checking for bees" said Tarzan.